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The Lost Tapes: 1982​-​1992

by Kristina Stykos

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  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    The physical CD version comes in brown cardboard packaging and includes a 16 page full color booklet featuring Kristina's lyrics, an introduction by Kristina, a photo of her original Fostex 4-track tape machine, and original black and white portraits of Kristina by renowned photographer Marion Ettlinger.

    Includes unlimited streaming of The Lost Tapes: 1982-1992 via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
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  • Full Digital Discography

    Get all 7 Kristina Stykos releases available on Bandcamp and save 35%.

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of River of Light, Horse Thief, Wyoming Territory, Beautiful Blood, The Lost Tapes: 1982-1992, Raven, and In the Earth's Fading Light. , and , .

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1.
IT'S A LONG WAY HOME my soul is shining in the small of your hand and even though i can’t see you your fingers are warm my shelves may be empty my days spent alone my memories may not be so happy but at least you’re at home it’s a long way home you don’t have to come here if you think i’m untrue but i won’t grow tired of waiting and watching for you or tired of asking or tired of pain or tired of feeling and being the same it’s a long way home there’s a pathway through these mountains i can feel it in my bones but the way has been hidden and my footprints turned to stone so i’ll wait here at this outpost throwing logs on the fire watching hope rise from ashes with only one desire it’s a long way home
2.
LOOKING FOR AN ANGEL isn’t it time for the voice to speak but how will you hear through this madness so deep in your life you can hardly see her into not feeling you keep yourself busy it covers the hunger looking for an angel hasn’t it been a colorful and lonely journey how can you stop when we’re so nearly there you’ve scattered your heart in a hundred places over and over it’s nothing for nothing losing your senses but you know she will repair you ‘cause that’s what angels do holding your dreams for an angel you’re so afraid of finding love you just let this passion play control you you’re holding your fears in a paper cup waiting for an angel combing the skies for an angel holding your dreams for an angel carry your pain to the edge of the darkness let it fall away like rain into the waters of her ocean unlock your soul and she’ll accept you her silence is stronger than your foolish resistance her answer is simply a reason for living enter the arms of an angel wake in the arms of an angel wake in the dreams of an angel
3.
IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE its hard to believe all the trouble i’ve seen the broken lives and empty dreams it’s hard to believe when faith a term the shell of some fine thing long forgotten it’s hard to believe when love is gone after all of the melting in pleasure and it’s hard to admit now that we were wrong thinking of ours as forever it’s hard to accept when pain becomes real and even your best friend is no consolation it’s hard to accept the way we must feel as if all our lives were initiation and it’s hard to remember where we belong when doors keep on opening and closing it’s hard to remember when we were strong and our voices reached out to all men world of wonder world of woe keeper of the night and the dawn will we ever ever know where the love has gone so you say to yourself it’s time to define it’s time to get back in control you sit by the window you wait for a sign you dream about someone who could fill the hole and somehow you manage to rise up with no one there to see tomorrow will be a better day and someday you’ll be free world of wonder world of woe keeper of the night and the dawn will we ever ever know where the love has gone
4.
MARRIED TO HOPE one star two lives falling from the sky dreaming still that holding will bind them fast forever now she’s gone your loving wife you looked to her and you made a life but when you finally gave your soul you found yourself alone heal me my lovers say touch me in that special way teach me what I could not learn find my heart now all the loss and all of the pain has surely made its mark on you but deep inside i can see you through the eyes untouched and true a storm of love will track you down and strip your soul and make you whole and a sadder thing you’ll never know than when that love decides to go after all this each true love each kiss i’m married to hope again time after time the answers are mine hidden in the fall heal me my lovers say touch me in that special way teach me what I could not learn find my heart now please find my heart now
5.
HERE IS A MORNING STAR now the voice is louder telling me to seek the solace of the sea i’ll go to find some peace of mind after all that’s changed in time I hear beyond the cries of gulls a song that i’ve been dreaming of i want to live - want to live with you want to love you want to live – do you want to love me too here is a morning star my love sea anemone my love every day in every way i will be there wild as the ocean show me the way i am devotion fill up your life with me when i lose the light of you life is an empty shell ocean will your tides to flow and bring the power back to each cell take the salty rain of tears take my hopes dispel my fears i am lost - teach me to love you want to love you put your arms around wherever we go here is a morning star my love sea anemone my love every day in every way i will be there wild as the ocean show me the way i am devotion fill up your life with me
6.
SETTLE FOR PARADISE here we are on an island but land is all we see i just want to hold on to this dream false though it may be we have swept up tears together we have sworn to stay free but how long can we live forever without having reached the sea now through the days of a dream i have made i’m walking just trying to see combing the length of my life for an unspoken word for a song in a shell for an empty place my heart can dwell would you settle for paradise if here were there seemingly the doors are open if only i knew where now through the days of a dream i have made i’m walking just trying to see combing the length of my life for an unspoken word for a song in a shell for an empty place my heart can dwell
7.
I WILL FLY HOME ONE DAY i would like to love you but i find it’s rather hard i would try to hold you but I can’t reach that far where is the road where is the star hungry and torn we have traveled so far i would like to help you and i’m doing all that i can maybe you would trust me if i were a stronger woman but right now i’m searching i’m looking for my heart and sometimes i break my stride and i let you down but i will fly home one day the grace of god willing me forward and i will win for us a world of love and in that love we will stay where is the road where is the star hungry and torn we have traveled so far right now i’m searching looking for my heart and sometimes i break my stride and i let you down but i will fly home one day the grace of god willing me forward and i will win for us a world of love and in that love we will stay
8.
UNDERNEATH IT ALL i don’t care what you do i will always see behind it in spite of you you can play play the fool but i will always love what’s hidden inside of you i’ve been looking for a real man it might be you but i cannot live your lies you been drinking down the dark side turning from the light it seems there’s nothing i can do it’s sad but true now i don’t care what you say ‘cause you’re just going to say it anyway it’s not my place to ask you why the only thing that seems to reach you are the tears i cry i’ve been looking for a real man it might be you but i cannot live your lies you been drinking down the dark side turning from the light it seems there’s nothing i can do its sad but true how will i find you in the lonely hours if you’re wandering in a dream what if i need you or have i lost that right could you leave the night to find me ladies man your cup is full but i know things about you no one ever will and i don’t care who you see ‘cause underneath it all i know your love’s with me
9.
LET IT GO OR LET IT STAY raise your hopes up a little higher your love is true but your heart’s a liar i saw you looking back her way she is lonely god knows she’s had her share but if you need her you know she won’t be there a fragile star in the frozen air you can’t hold her she will always ache inside of you you will find some peace in time the love you had should help you on your way let it go or let it stay let it stay in the shadow of this rainy night she will hurt you if you try to fight but you don’t have to hide her face from me i will give you all of the space all of the time you need to be faithful to your memories but i won’t let your heart bleed alone i have memories too far too deep to voice them but my despair is through and I’m reaching out to you
10.
ISLAND IN THE SUNRISE are you looking for a river for a ship to sail forever for a guiding light that never will grow darker in a storm are you looking for a sister the one who never left you in ragged clothes and whispers she is calling out your name this night i hear your voice but sunrise you’ll be gone sometimes i wonder why leaving me is always on your mind and the people come to listen so you fill their rooms with a joyful sound they savor every measure until the river has run dry now you’re rolling down some highway your loneliness in rhythm to the miles and miles you’ve driven to the strumming of your songs this night i hear your voice but sunrise you’ll be gone sometimes i wonder why leaving me is always on your mind sleeping now your silence won’t be broken I would be a fool to force my way inside how many times have we lost sight of love in the night have we landed on an island all alone in the sunrise we are waiting growing older do you think that it’s over have you left me in your mind i’m just looking for a brother in simple words i’m asking you to open up your heart and let me ease your pain this night i hear your voice but sunrise you’ll be gone sometimes i wonder why leaving me is always on your mind
11.
I STILL KEEP THE HEART it’s time to take a hard look can’t just fix it when the heart won’t go late last night a good friend told me this is only talking it can’t bring you closer to what you know so many things i do in confusion because i made up my mind to find a way as if something would come of this aimless longing oh but it keeps me from throwing what’s left away i still keep the heart that you gave to me on a string like the color of the car we owned i still listen to the pidgeons in the silo at night when i‘m home alone i don’t ask why - it takes my heart too long that way all i want is one more song to talk about the way you loved me even if I’m wrong and all I want is to think you think of me only now and then of course but faithfully what’s gone I value like diamonds and feel its worth increase with my empty hand harder still for me to hold the present moment hard to trust the letting go that love demands i still sigh like the lover of a distant star in the arms of the lover who would set me free i still wander in the murmur of the wind at night as if i’d lost what’s me i don’t ask why - it takes my heart to long that way all i want is one more song to talk about the way you loved me even if i’m wrong and all i want is to think you think of me only now and then of course but faithfully
12.
I CAN'T GO HOME i can’t go home my place has worn away something’s gone i sleep alone i walk the streets unguarded something’s wrong well times may be hard but friends can be harder food may be scarce but nothing’s worse than heartache i don’t want to complain i just want something to move me on the city lights they don’t look pretty now where are the stars why do I work in this factory i never see the sky i can’t even breathe now for all the cars well times may be hard but i can be harder this living is a lie and my heart can tell you why i got to be leaving if i’m not learning i’m gone i can’t go home my place has worn away something’s gone
13.
Before I Go 02:41
BEFORE I GO tonight our thoughts are tied together my friend could we put we put our hearts together the house is old and empty put your arms around me could we take the time and can we be honest and kind i feel sure we will try our best tonight welcome welcome friendly stranger put your worries down on my kitchen table come inside before the snow and let me love you before I go and if it’s cold tonight take my old sweater we’ll go out on the porch and sit together i have a song to sing you I hope that it will bring you many more inside tomorrow we’ll go for a drive i got wheels we can ride through the country fields in the morning welcome welcome familiar stranger come and tell your story at my kitchen table tell me where you’ve been my brother i’m sure it’s a place that I know come let me love you before I go
14.
THE DISTANT THUNDER fly maker of mercy let me fly earthbound standing alone searching the skies for my home oh i hear the distant thunder sending up sailors on false wings they come down into the cities of iron, pleasure and cold but the dove of peace was placed here in this ground and the prayer for rain was hidden in the heart the days are dark now waiting for the heart fly maker of mercy let me fly earthbound standing alone searching the skies for my home oh i hear the distant thunder walking for years on the roads that go nowhere we are jaded, unkind, hungry and torn now we’re burning in the house where we were born every flame another desire where is the one who can put out this fire fly maker of mercy let me fly earthbound standing alone searching the skies for my home oh i hear the distant thunder
15.
DO YOU WANT ME TO STAY do you want me to stay it’s dark here when the flame goes down i seen you looking out the window at the rain i’m sorry that your angel’s back down on the ground please forgive me my cynicism you know i been a bride i put my heart and my soul and my body in it then i took a ride what was it we were supposed to learn in school why wouldn’t they let us out to see they sky well deep in my homeroom i heard that blues woman singing she said love has no pride welcome to patience baby we might be here a while please let me stay we’ll look into this heavy weather until the stars do rise my feet were useful a hundred years ago they were rooted in a vineyard where people moved slow now my legs are trembling and i’m coming up from below hold me like that vine brother drink my wine patience welcome darling we might be here for a while please let me stay we’ll look into this heavy weather until the stars do rise you can see what it is that i’m thinking and this thinking is insane i just want to go back to the darkness and feel the gentle rain now I would never tell a lie it’s just that my truth seems to change and change and change again sorry to say you cannot trust in me but you can love me like I love you baby can’t you see
16.
I'M A STRANGER HERE the land was lost here a sacred ghost cries here he said it’ll cost ya he wanted to rip me off i heard him clearly though he did not speak to me i thought he would like me but my thoughts were cheap yeah you’re right i’m a stranger here he thought so too i ain’t never going home again how ‘bout you? thirty-two dollars to fix my car in a northern montana reservation body shop i saw the sky white woman you piss me off i drove into the sunset he was his own boss yeah you’re right i’m a stranger here he thought so too i ain’t never going home again how ‘bout you? come to wyoming i bought him a postcard i bought a pack of camels i smoked them all in the car just an old canyon and a roadside bed those nights put an end to the things he did yeah you’re right i’m a stranger here he thought so too i ain’t never going home again how ‘bout you? it was a hard hard black road it had a cold cold white line down the middle there was a house there there was a home there children laughed and cried there one two three yeah you’re right i’m a stranger here he thought so too i ain’t never going home again how ‘bout you? the one in the photo she was very discreet the one that looks like me apologized she was sweet one picked him flowers from my garden now there’s one in our bed i remember when we bought it in a hurry to be wed
17.
LIFT YOUR HEART sleep little one soon light will be coming sleep little one soon light will be coming every day the sun does rise and it smiles into your eyes and i look at you with love close your eyes angels surround you close your eyes all good things bless you every day we’ll wake up new and all our friends are waking up too lift your heart so i can hear the singing now you can fly feel yourself floating deep in the sky beautiful ocean every day the spring runs clear you can fill your cup right here and i will wash away each tear come on
18.
WHEN THE LEAVES COME DOWN when the leaves fall i will love you more when the leaves fall i will keep you warm when the leaves fall when the leaves come down when the leaves fall when the leaves come down when the nights are cold i will light a fire when the nights are cold i will welcome welcome you inside when the snowflakes dance and the fairies are flying when the snowflakes dance i will be your bride when the moon comes round i will share what’s mine when the moon comes round oh how that moon is gonna shine jesus was a man and he taught us to be kind jesus was a man we can find love we will find love
19.
WHY'D IT HAVE TO END THIS WAY baby baby tell me true what is it i feel from you can’t you see how i cry this girl she wants to die why’d it have to end this way every night i watch you go tail lights undertow can’t you see that i know every night i watch you go tail lights undertow can’t you see that i know gonna miss me when i go why’d it have to end this way

about

It’s an old cliché that sometimes you need to lose something before you really appreciate what you’ve got. In considering Kristina Stykos’ The Lost Tapes 1982-1992, that sentiment proves doubly true. First, as the Vermont songwriter writes in the album’s liner notes, discovering the collection of discarded demos and unreleased tracks that had sat gathering dust in various closets over the past 30 years was like being reintroduced to old friends, and it brought back a well of emotions she had thought long-buried. Dan Bolles, Seven Days

credits

released January 1, 2011

All songs by Kristina Stykos © 2011 Thunder Ridge Music, BMI
Recordings by Kristina Stykos, except for two additional songs from the same period: track 13 produced by Bela Fleck at Lemco Sound, Lexington, Kentucky (1980) and track 4 recorded by Horace Williams during a rehearsal at Little Castle Studio, Starksboro, Vermont (1986). Remixed by Kristina Stykos at Pepperbox Studio, Chelsea, Vermont.
Studio shots of Kristina by Marion Ettlinger.
Package design by Darryl Garland, www.red-garland.com
Mastered by Oscar Zambrano, Zampol Productions, www.zampolproductions.com
For more information: www.kristinastykos.com; www.pepperboxstudio.com
Thunder Ridge Records © 2011
Dedicated to my children: Freya, Wilder and Anna

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Kristina Stykos Chelsea, Vermont

Kristina is a music producer, recording engineer, songwriter, performer, podcaster and landscape gardener based in Vermont. Her recording studio, Pepperbox Studio, is solar, wind and generator powered. She has engineered & produced over 25 albums for herself and clients. Her songwriting and composing have been supported by the Ucross Foundation and Brush Creek Artist Residency in Wyoming. ... more

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